ugh! Boston Marathon just got bombed. Three separate explosions.

I should mention that I felt a burst of absurdly giddy laughter inciting thought pop up in my head every time I see the news media exclaim: “There were limbs every where! arms, legs flying!”. I mean I saw the video, not a single one of the athletes appear to have limbs blown off. But that is the image that came to mind–every single time they said that.

There is something vaguely sexual about this whole marathon thing. Well, okay, it’s not vaguely sexual, it’s very sexual, but without the explicit involvement of the sexual organs.

Modern athletes are amongst the most physically desirable people in the world. Their exhibition of their stamina, their bodies functioning, watching their legs and arms swing hypnotically stirs a trance in people watching. It gives me a frustration that I cannot explain and cannot find a second cause for.

Perhaps it is jealousy, I want to be that; perhaps it is desire, I want to touch that; perhaps it is hate, I don’t want that to be happening. But whatever the meaning of the frustration, it attracts me to view it, and pulls my eye to watch it, and it tickles my inside for some time after viewing athletic events. Maybe this is the devil’s work?

But, the choice, if it was a terrorist act, perhaps is symbolic, to destroy those closest to perfection?

There is yet a second thought. There appears to have been a whole lot of public violence in America. Red-hearring-theory aside (Dish network v. SoftBank, Chinese slowing economy, 2 point drop in the stock market), maybe there is a second social reason for this. Do these people commit violent terrorizing acts because they hate or because they are terrified?

As early as 2006, I had written in my blog about my own constantly feeling terrified. My boss, my boss’s boss, the CEO, the economy, every freaking person/thing is in total distress. Terror abound. Social norms are not followed when the country is at war or under economic stress. Bosses, coworkers and family members can laugh with you one moment and shout and scream at you the next–And that may just the best thing to happen to you that day–I mean they could come in and shoot you… Let him yell and scream, better than a bullet in the leg right?

Such total disregard for those things in our civilization that we have come to consider as irrational, inefficient and non-essential has caused our society to grow unstable. I feel it in myself. Frequent urges to ram my body into the wall in painful frustration. Sudden thoughts of violence, suddenly I’d visualize myself reaching out and slapping wife, or parents or even my baby.

And, btw, I don’t do drugs. I mean, unless my food or water is being consistently contaminated with drugs, I don’t think it’s because of psychoactive material ingested or breathed in.

The reason why I feel these feelings and thoughts surface is because I see to many things that other people shouldn’t be doing. The mind cannot help itself but think, if he can try to charge me more than the other guy, why can’t I smack him? And when this thought happen too often, perhaps some natural mental barrier breaks down and the brain just constantly produce violent thoughts.

Today, I am still a firm believer in human society. But because of this, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that all these violence come from the loss of faith in traditional values religions, the loss of cultures.

But I know that’s not it. At least, the loss of culture is not occurring naturally. Something or someone is systematically destroying it. And it may be the byproduct of something else, perhaps like the destruction of protective ozone due to industrial waste.

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