Huan’s Chinese New Year Resolution

Whereas, the person named Huan Chang is of mature age and suitable economic disposition for marriage in this tenth year of the 21st century, CE, and has continued to express interest in the opposite sex, and therefore heterosexual; and

whereas, Huan has sought the companionship of females of suitable age and interest by means of spoken and written language, gifts, manipulation of friends, physical display, and all but groveling on his knees; and

whereas, these attempts to gain any, committed, continuing, and lasting affection of the said suitable female humans have failed in spectacularly public display of explosive and violent rejections by each of these female humans; and

whereas, the public rejection are displayed without regard to normal decorum, in presence of coworkers, friends, family, and any other potentially suitable human females; and

whereas, these public rejections are displayed without regards to Huan’s feelings, reputation and credibility; and

whereas, Huan is devastated, desperate, and on the verge of insanity; and

whereas, the last of these rejections happen on the last day of the nineth year of the 21st century, CE.

Therefore, be it resolved by Huan, who is of sound mind and able body, that additional intelligent, persistent and concerted efforts shall be made by himself to secure a wife in the tenth year of 21st century, CE, 庚寅兔年; and be it further

resolved that Huan shall allocate at least one hour of time each week day, no less than 10 hours each week to be spent on securing a wife; and be it further

resolved that Huan hsall allocate at least 45 minutes of time each weekday, no less than 8 hours a week to be spent on improving the health and appearance of his body in order to secure a wife; and be it further

resolved that Huan shall reserve at least 15% of post tax salary, to be put into an account reserved for the purpose of securing a wife; and be it further

resolved that Huan shall seek professional help, either from psychiatrist, medical doctors, professional life coaches, professional dating coaches, lawyers, professional conman, or any other legal aid, and any combinations of the above, without regards to cultural restrictions and personal insecurities, to secure a wife; and be it further

resolved that Huan shall secure a wife, without regards to approval or disapproval of his parents; and

resolved that Huan shall secure a wife, without regards to approval or disapproval of his peers, coworkers, bosses, and ex-girlfriends; and be it further

resolved that Huan shall secure a wife, without regards to her appearance, income, race, age, creed, religion or sexual preference; and be it further

resolved that Huan shall make all attempts to gain understanding, trust, cooperation, and control of all and any female human being of Chinese origin, such that no such explosive, uncontrollable, public humiliation as he and his the exploding female counter part has experienced during 2010, CE, shall happen without his personal foreknowledge or permission; and be it further

resolved that Huan shall make this resolution available to public viewing.

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