The Psychology of Farting

As anybody who works in an office knows, other people fart. Often silently but pungently.

A curious question comes to mind. When I smell another person’s relief, what is the right thing for me to do?

My initial reaction, as I did recently, was to walk away swiftly, interrupting my own conversation with the other person, who is possibly the perpetrator.

But this makes me an obvious suspect as the passer of gas. Because, usually, farting precedes or is preceded by or certainly accompanied by the need to have a bowel movement. If I move to leave the room, obvious assumption is that I just farted and am headed away to prevent additional intrusion into others’ noses and to relieve my bowel of it’s contents.

But if I do not leave, then I must suffer the smell until it dicipates naturally, for if I leave anytime before then, or at least, before another person gives up and leaves the room, it would appear that I am in more urgent need of relief than the other person, and therefore the original horn blower.

But if I sit there, silently, disguising my disgust, my obviously artificial facial expression will again make me the trumpeter in my pants.

So, I act naturally. As naturally as one can in such a situation.

If I point out who did it, it would seem that I am attempting to divert attention away from myself. I would only do that if I was actually broadcasting the expiration date.

If someone else point out that I farted, my attempt to deny it would clearly be just another adjustment for inflation.

But if I falsely accept the accusation that I was the one who developed that WMD. Nobody will ever suspect that I was lying!

Sigh, such sad state are my mental affairs.

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