Recently, my children had a play date with her classmate from a private school in Palo Alto. We happen upon a day when the Oakland zoo was giving free admission. We could not even get close to the zoo even with our year-long membership already in hand. So we went for a hike at the bay shore of a nearby city instead.

After a short while, my 4-year-old was pushed off of a rapidly spinning merry go round by a fat Latino boy twice the size. He landed on all four. It wouldn’t have been so concerning if what happened before and after the fall did not happen. For twenty seconds before the fall, a giant man spun the merry go round rapidly so no kids could get on and off. During the 10 seconds prior, the fat boy used his butt to push my child off the merry go round. My child vigorously defended his position by holding on to the bars as if for dear life—crying. His hands and feet were the only parts of his body that are over the merry go round, “no! no! Stop!!” he screamed into the big fat boy’s back, but his other parts have been pushed beyond the play structure by then. He fell shortly after he lost his footing.

After the fall, I pick my child up to check for injuries. A older sister, or guardian, or mother of the child came to my back and says “it wasn’t his fault. I can apologize, I’m sorry your child fell, but it wasn’t my child’s fault!! I was watching the whole time and it was my child’s fault!!” I had to turn around to excuse myself from the rapid fire I-don’t-know-what-that-was so I could continue to check on my child and try to calm him from a crying fit. “I can apologize for what happened, but it wasn’t my child’s fault!” She insisted again to my back. Finally, I turned and said to her: “it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize, my fault for coming here where it is unsafe.” Walking out of the playground, I noticed that it was a Latino playground—most adults and kids are Latino. All things considered, I felt wise to have taken flight before more adults surrounded us. Admittedly, I was affected by a recent incident: while holding my child, I was attacked by old ladies in community public libraries across the bay. The old lady wished out loud that we, Chinese people, would leave. a few months ago I definitely fear for my children’s safety at that moment in that playground for many many many moments after.

I cannot fathom living in this city. The fact that it the kids had a little dustup is not of concern. (It looked horrifying, especially from my child’s perspective. But honestly, that’s life) The fact that a lot of Spanish is spoken here is not of concern. The fact that there are a lot of crimes in this city, as reported by online providers, is not the problem. The fact that the guardian acted that way so nervously made me just so anxious. Was I supposed to sue her? Why is she so defensive? Why did she apologize disclaiming remorse and wrongdoing? Is it a thing now that everyone knows Asians love to demand apology irrespective of giver’s true attitude and intentions? I do not want to call home a city in which I have to habitually engage in liability jousting on the children’s playground! I barely descended into this type of thing at work: obsessively making clandestine observations and recording them at work in preparation for formally charging or responding to charges of coworkers with impropriety: When I did, I did it well, why it had to be done—I kept log of everything significant that transpired, everything from massively complicated “concerning multi-organization technical issues with ‘controversial’ implications” to coworkers chitchatting about collecting human teeth as hobby. For those nightmarish months I documented the concerns I had with each issue and tried to document my own strenuous and timely efforts that in part absolve me of responsibility for things beyond my control. I was unhappy and extremely uncomfortable with that aspect of workplace culture. This city, has so far exhibited a culture that I cannot live with.

I hate to make stereotypical statements, but in present day Trumpverse, scribere cogitationes meas: don’t these people smoke weed, and wasn’t weed supposed to calm them down? Her reaction was so very prompt and rehearsed. Even this poor city along the bay seems to harbor highly litigious residents who are hyper-vigilant even on the children’s’ playground.

I do applaud myself, not for being a retard not removing my child from danger earlier, but for giving my child a chance to learn to defend himself early in life. It’s far to late for myself to gain the self-righteousness/respect, determination and physique to stand up to a playground bully and their guardians, but it is not too late for my children.

When I observe my own children playing with family of significantly better financial and social situation(than us) I observe similar things. My children become the more unruly party. Their actions leads to situations that even I feel are unsafe. They are often the aggressor in the taking of toys or play spot. I feel like apologizing for nasty situations. But their playmates parents are able to maintain a cool composure. They seem to be very assured that the situation we brought will pass and that their children will endure without physically or mental corruption. They do not run away from my family as I did from that playground and that city. Their children seem to be able to deal with friends who are recalcitrant and behave dangerously—and they play together peacefully without much apparent effort. “That’s alright.” is the perpetual response we came to rely on from these friends. It almost seems that they can sense my anxiety about the matter and are trying to comfort me!

Therefore, I shall conclude about the matter here with that reassuring expression of friendship and support:

That’s alright!

Apologies for any race, class or gender based bias in my expressions. If you perceive any such display in this blog, it is not my fault. Any mention of events of employment are not in anyway related to a real company that I worked for. I disclaim that I’m writing about things that actually happened. Person and events described herein do not correspond to real people or events that actually transpired.

There is a macrocosm to this encounter. California 2020 proposition 16 is a ballot measure to overturn ‘96 proposition 209 effectively removing laws forbidding race based discrimination by the State of California including higher education institutions. I think of my helpless child going to college and graduate school some day, or perhaps he wants to service the state from private sector, he might be butted off of the merry go round of an institution. He might have to holding on for dear life in tears but essentially very poorly positioned and equipped to play on a public structure. In my mind, the great state of California should be a civilized institution where, metaphorically speaking, bigger butts, chest, and other members should not determine inclusion and success—it is arbitrary and capricious to legalize race based discrimination. There just are wrong ways to do things and race based discrimination is simply wrong. And if lady Justice will be standing behind me yelling “He’s not doing anything wrong!” What will be my recourse then? What will be left of our pride in our most sacred believes about America and about California? What will be left of our livelihood? Maybe then, the popular adage will be right: “go back to where you came from!”