A few years ago, I stopped being a W4 employee. I had a midlife crisis that I feel too much of me do not want to work in this economy and politics. (That was long before this post-Covid anti-Asian movement) I am sad about it, as we Chinese-Pennsylvanian Americans are steeped, doubly , in work ethics indoctrination. It is the modus operandi for generations and it is for me.

But the opposition in my mind was great, and for many varieties of reasons, and so I stopped working.

Recently, President Biden announced a second round of raising benefits for seniors. The first round already hit my parents monthly deposits. This is some serious money movement that people can see and feel. I feel it because my parents spends more on me, yes even when I’m fast on my way to my semi-centennial.

Today, I feel an ever so slight bump within, like that earthquake I felt sitting on the toilet, it shook me in a weird way: a sudden thought of, “wait, I want to do that.” stirs. I don’t resent taxes as much as before. (Don’t worry, I’m sure that will recover though) It feels good that this happened. It feels good that a suffering populous is treated with dignity and deserved priority.

The sad thing about this is that I can definitely see my own and many other peoples selfishness eventually push us all to vote against the next president who want to continue these elderly benefits.

Sad that it is good but will surely be both hated and terminated. Even sadder, is the fact that I actually like these increase in elderly benefit. Am I so old? Or am I dreading poverty in old age? Are my happiness mere faint echos of those of my parents? Why do I like it? Is it because I’m Chinese ?

So sad !

And I don’t even know why.